When you meet new people who are friendly and are interested in your life, you learn more about them. Common questions are asked, such as, what is your middle name, or what is your favorite color? Another question I get is how many siblings do you have? When I answer that question I immediately say three, but my baby sister is much more than just a sibling. She is an angel. Her name is Claire and she is sixteen. Sixteen is not quite the baby age, but physically she is four and mentally she is two years old. Claire was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease called, Townes-Brocks Syndrome. There are only two hundred documented cases in the world. This disease affects her heart, kidneys, joints, hearing, speech, mobility and brain. She is a fighter, a lover, and an inspiration to many of my friends. Her life is no ordinary adventure. Claire has had it rough since she was one month old, when doctors’ realized there was a problem and she was immediately airlifted to Duke. She has had over eight surgeries with scars to prove it. I have scars too, but they are more emotional rather than having a physical appearance. When we were younger, my mom and Claire were always away. Claire had doctors’ appointments in Chapel Hill, Duke, and Greenville. They would be gone for days at a time. It got to the point where we thought she was not going to make it. From her body casts to her leg braces, to her ear surgeries and feeding tube incisions, Claire has made it through it all. I would do anything to take away her pain and fear, but unfortunately I cannot. My family and I have watched her cry and scream, and even suffer. That is what has scarred me. Watching her leave for doctors’ appointments, returning from surgery, and missing her when she was away are the things I will never forget. Family pictures with her in her casts and breathing tubes will never fade away. My scars of emotions for Claire will always be in my heart. Feelings of worry and fear of her life will always be there. Looking at my scars in comparison to hers, they are no match at all. I thank God every day for my baby sister and I only dream to be as strong as her.
Bless this please!
tristanhbriggs 
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I could absolutely feel a connection between you and your sister as I was reading your story. Tears filled my eyes almost immediately and my heart went out directly to you and your family. When I started reading your story, I immediately became interested in what you had to say because of the questions you threw out right from the start. A good “hook” is always a great way to grab the reader’s attention and you certainly got mine. Also, the way you spoke about the events Claire has been through made it seem so real. Explaining things in detail gives the reader more incite on what actually happened. I felt as if I could relate to what was going on. Not to mention how you talked about your scars compared to your sister’s. The way you spoke with such compassion made the whole story worth reading. I also like how you spoke about your sister and your feelings towards her. It’s like I could literally hear your voice describing how strong and inspirational Claire is. When you mentioned how you would take the pain away from her, it helped me understand how strongly you love your sister. Lastly, your transitions between topics worked very well. It is important to keep a steady flow between topics in a story and you definitely did that. Thank you for sharing such a personal story, I really enjoyed reading it.
Rachel Brown
Let me start by saying your story is structurally very well written! Your high school English teacher would be proud. The story flows smoothly and is easy to read and understand. It has enough detail that it holds the reader’s attention and makes you want to continue to read so you can find out more about the storyline. Aside from a well-structured piece, it is a story that obviously comes from the heart. It reveals your feelings and makes me shake my head in agreement when you describe being proud or scared, as I think I would feel the same way under similar circumstances. The story also leaves room for the reader to ponder outside of the words you’ve put onto paper and “read between the lines”. For example, when you talk about your mother and Claire always being away, I couldn’t help but think of how hard that probably was on your mother. I’m sure she missed being away from the rest of her family and even worried about all of you not having her around for days. However, as a mother, I’m sure she knew she had no other choice. Another conclusion from reading between the lines is Claire is not only an angel to you, but if she were able to communicate with you, I’m sure she would tell you how proud she is of you and how you’re her angel! The love and bond of your relationship is obviously profound.
Lani Espinosa-Blanco
Wow! I can’t believe how hard that must be for you, your family, and Claire. The way you worded the story made me look up to Claire as well. You made me want to look up to her as well because you were able to describe so well how strong she is and that’s why I enjoyed reading this. I also liked how you gave information about Townes-Brocks Syndrome and how the disease affects the body. I was able to not only understand the tough times your sister goes through but you also taught me a little about a disease I’ve never heard of before. I also liked how you tied in how her physical scars and her hardships is what became your emotional scars. Not only did you clearly state what your “battle scar” was but you took the time to describe it and give me reasons and examples of what made your emotional scars. The way you worded it was so sweet and I could tell that Claire really is your angel and how much you care about her. Your attention to detail really made me hooked into your writing as well! You described things such as her surgeries and the family pictures you have with her in casts throughout the story. Because of that I could see all these things and share the experience with you of what created your emotional scars. Beautiful story!
This story is very inspirational. I actually teared up when I read it. You gave very detailed information about the situation and I felt as if I could comprehend your emotions. I also like how you contrasted your battle scars with Claire’s. It is obvious that all battle scars are not physical; moreover, emotional scars can be equally as painful. The title of your story fits the description of your sister that you have provided. It seems as though you feel like she is an inspiration to you, because of her continued perseverance. I felt sympathetic after reading about how Claire and your mom were rarely home because of hospital visits and/or surgeries. I commend you and your family for staying strong through these times, because I know it must have been very difficult. From what I can tell, you and your sister are very close and you would do anything to help relieve her pain and suffering. It is very apparent that you have maintained your faith throughout this whole process and will continue to do so for however long it is needed. I believe that more people should read and/or listen to this story because it is an excellent example of how keeping your faith and sticking by one another can be important.
Your story was extremely touching and also compassionate. After I read your story I was very relieved to see that you wanted everyone to bless this blog post, mostly because I could not find a thing wrong with it! In the first little bit of the story I could not tell where the story was going or the situation that was at hand but I soon was informed and this transition was fabulous. Your words are very fluent and the way in which you expressed your vocabulary really draws in the readers. This paper could have been written in so many ways other than this but the clarity of this paper is awesome. I loved how you didn’t beat around the bush and hide any details, you just got strait to the point. This, in my opinion took your paper to a whole new intensity level and I loved it. I also think it is really cool how you are very proud and honored to share this “scar” with everyone in such a bold way. After reading this blog post it just reminded me that you can by no means look at someone and know their situations and the things that they are having to deal with in their lives. Great post, I loved it!
Aaron Godwin
Honestly, I am literally in tears right now. The emotion you have developed in this essay is so mentally heartbreaking for more than just you but also the reader. The rhetorical questions you used to begin your essay is a great attention getter and truly kept me interested in reading more. The way you have described such a rare disease in so few words is also spectacular. With tone words such as “pain,” “fear,” “screams,” and suffering” your essay expresses a negative tone toward the disease. But your essay also has a positive tone when you speak of your sister using words such as “strength,” “fighter,” “lover,” “inspiration,” and “angel.” In the sentence where you mention how she reacts, polysyndaton gives a very detailed example of your sisters physical pain when you say you have to watch her, “cry and scream, and even suffer.” These words are so powerful and the way you broke them up adds to their purpose. From this essay, I can conclude you are a phenominal writer and are very skilled in grammar also. There are some stories that are humorous tragic, and then there are some stories that are meant to stay devastatingly tragic and I believe you have a accomplished this. The way your essay affects the reader’s mood shows the unbelievable talent you have in writing.
Personally I think this was a great story. The way you exemplified not only your sister’s “scars”, but yours as well that you have received indirectly through all of that is just great. I am glad you shared this with all of us. You had a lot of good visual, descriptive type words! I like how you basically took us through what it would have been like being in your family for that length of time.
I think the thing that made me relate to you the best is the fact that I also have a family member that has been in and out of the hospital since I can remember. Of course she doesn’t have the same rare genetic disease as your sister, but that same unknown factor plays a major role on your emotions when somebody you care about isn’t healthy. We had a scare at my graduation party with her, and she had to leave abruptly. I had flashbacks so bad, back to when we were younger and her heath was in even worse standing. My cousin has recently been getting much better, but every now and then we get a call, and all those feelings come running back. So when you talk about emotional scars that you’ve received, I know exactly what you’re talking about. Great Story!
^^^^^That was Me, Jonathan Peek . lol
I really loved reading your story! It’s actually one of the first stories I’ve read, where I actually recognize an introductory, a body, and a conclusion along with their distinct and different importance. I loved the first few sentences where you lead into the story of your sister rather then coming right out with it. And the statement of being asked if you have any siblings is totally true! I get that question constantly when I meet new people. I felt a big connection to the story because my next-door neighbors have a daughter who also has a rare disease. She’s 13 but she weighs almost nothing, and is in need of feeding tubes and oxygen tanks. I also feel a connection to your story because it’s about your emotional scars, as is mine! I loved your attention to detail, because it really helps to describe to the reader and to all those who are unaware of the disease, what the disease actually is. It also helps to put us in your shoes, to try and view your perspective. As I’ve mentioned in some of my other responses, I believe that scars are memories in a physical form, so I love how you mentioned your different memories of your sister’s appointments, and of the pictures that “will never fade away.” I honestly wouldn’t change a single thing about your story. I love your writing style, and how you make the reader intrigued. I can’t wait to read more from you along with my other fellow Jarvis writers!
Tristan, I thought I would get through all of these stories without tears, but alas, your piece has my cheeks wet. I am humbled by your story and inspired by your courage to share it. You have produced a powerful piece that you might want to consider adapting this for your TIB essay later in the semester.